Oldmails

A young couple, married just a couple weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives. The next morning the husband wakes up, showers, dresses and makes his way to the kitchen where he sees his new wife crying.

So the husband inquires, "What's wrong Honey?"

"Well, I came down here this morning to surprise you with a big breakfast but I can't cook or clean."

The husband smiles his biggest smile and says, "There, there sweetie! I don't care hat you can't cook and clean. Come on up to the bedroom and I'll show you what I'd like for breakfast."

So, off they went to the bedroom.

That afternoon, the husband comes home for lunch to find his new wife crying again in the kitchen.

"What's wrong now, Sweetie?"

"Well, the same thing as this morning. I came in here to make you something for lunch and I just can't cook."

Again, the husband smiles and says, "Why don't you come back up to the bedroom and I'll have my lunch there!"

So, off they went to the bedroom again.

That evening the new husband comes home, walks in the house and sees his new bride sliding down the banister of the stairs naked. Up she runs, and WHOOSH down the banister, again.

After the third trip the husband asks, "What the heck are you doing honey?"

To which the new bride replies,
"Warming up your supper!"

If all of the desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which one would you choose?

Pick your dessert, and then look to see what Psychiatrists think about you!

(Sorry you can only pick one)

- Angel Food Cake
- Brownies
- Lemon Meringue
- Vanilla cake with Chocolate Icing
- Strawberry Short
Cake
- Chocolate on Chocolate
- Ice Cream
- Carrot Cake

NO. You can't change your mind once you scroll down! So think carefully what your choice will be! OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you! Scroll down below...
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ANGEL FOOD CAKE.. Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need
an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.

BROWNIES... You are adventurous, love new ideas, and are a champion of under dogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers
flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

LEMON MERINGUE... Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to
walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.

VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING... Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone
enjoys being around you, but you are a pra ctical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.

STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE.... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be
overly emotional at times.

CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE.. Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to
have cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

ICE CREAM... You like sports, whether it is baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but
you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

CARROT CAKE.... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with y ou. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at
times. You have many loyal friends.

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.
The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold the light high over her mommy so he could
see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently Kathleen did as she was asked. Her mother Heidi pushed and pushed, and
after a little while Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen
for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack his ass again."

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A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a
password to log in with.

Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter 'PENIS'.

Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response:

PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH

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Santa Singh bought a new mobile. He called everone from his phone book and said" My mobile number has changed, earlier it was Nokia 3310 now it is 6600!!!

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Teacher: Why majority of south Indians are dark?
Larry: Bcoz majority of the south Indians are watching Sun TV, Surya TV or Udaya TV!!!

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What did Biscuit manufaturer Britania write to his Girl Friend?
Dear Marie,
Yesterday our meeting was Truly NICE. Though I was in 50-50 mind to see you. And you were playing HIDE & SEEK with me. If I had not met you, probably my LITTLE HEART would have KRAKJACKED.Yours BOURBON!!!

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Santa Singh: Yaar tu aaj Doctor ke paas jaane wala tha Kya hua?
Banta Singh: Aaj meri tabiyat thick nahi hai, kal jaonga....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of all tales of the supernatural, this one is perhaps the best documented, the most disturbing and the most difficult to explain...

The Princess of Amen-Ra lived in 1050 B.C. When she died, she was laid in an ornate wooden coffin and buried deep in a vault at Luxor, on the banks of the Nile.

In the 1880s, four rich young Englishmen visiting the excavations at Luxor were invited to buy an exquisitely fashioned mummy
case containing the remains of the Princess of Amen-Ra. They drew lots. The man who won paid several thousand pounds and had the coffin taken to
his hotel. A few hours later, he was seen walking out towar ds the desert. He never returned.

The next day, one of the remaining three men was shot by an Egyptian servant accidentally. His arm was so severely wounded it had to be amputated.

The third man in the foursome found on his return home that the bank holding his entire savings had failed.

The fourth man suffered a severe illness, lost his job and was reduced to selling matches in the street.

Nevertheless, the coffin reached England (causing other misfortunes along the way), where it was bought by a London businessman.
After three of his family members had been injured in a road accident and his house damaged by fire, the businessman donated it to the British Museum.

As the coffin was being unloaded from a wagon in the museum courtyard, the wagon suddenly went into reverse and trapped a
passer-by. Then as the casket was being lifted up the stairs by two workmen, one fell and broke his leg. The other, apparently in perfect health, died
unaccountably two days later.

Once the Princess was installed in the Egyptian Room, trouble really started. Museum's night watchmen frequently heard frantic
hammering and sobbing from the coffin. Other exhibits in the room were also often hurled about at night. One watchman d ied on duty; causing the
other watchmen wanting to quit. Cleaners refused to go near the Princess, too. When a visitor derisively flicked a dust cloth at the face painted on
the coffin, his child died of measles soon afterwards.

Finally, the authorities had the mummy carried down to the basement, figuring it could not do any harm down there, while leaving the lid of the coffin
on display. (The lid of the coffin (Exhibit No. 22542) is still there!) Within a week, one of the helpers was seriously ill, and the supervisor of the move was found dead on his desk.

By now, the papers had heard of it. A journalist photographer took a picture of the mummy case and when he developed it, the painting on the coffin
was of a horrifying, human face. The photographer was said to have gone home then, locked his bedroom door and shot himself.

Soon afterwards, the museum sold the mummy to a private collector. After continual misfortun e (and deaths), the owner banished it to the attic.

A well-known authority on th e occult, Madame Helena Blavatsky, visited the premises. Upon entry, she was sized with a
shivering fit and searched the house for the source of "an evil influence of incredible intensity".
She finally came to the attic and found the mummy case. "Can you exorcise this evil spirit?" asked the owner. "There is no such
thing as exorcism. Evil remains evil forever. Nothing can be done about it. I implore you to get rid of this evil as soon as possible."

But no British museum would take the mummy; the fact that almost 20 people had met with misfortune, disaster or death from handling the casket, in
barely 10 years, was now well known.

Eventually, a hardheaded American archaeologist (who dismissed the happenings as quirks of circumstance), paid a handsome price for
the mummy and arranged for its removal to New York. In April of 1912, the new owner escorted its treasure aboard a sparkling, new White Star liner
about to make its maiden voyage to New York.

Because the reputation of the mummy was well known, the owner, who was a chess player named William T. Stead, was afraid that
his cargo would not be loaded. Therefore, he secretly arranged for the mummy to be hidden under the body of a new Renault automobile, which was
being transported to America on the ship. Stead did not reveal the truth about his cargo to the other passengers until the night before the next disaster.

On the night of April 14, amid scenes of unprecedented horror, the Princess of Amen-Ra accompanied 1,500 passengers to their deaths at the bottom of the Atlantic.




***** The name of the ship was Titanic. *****

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is
over when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship
until after you've had a fight.

A simple friend hates it when you call
after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps
himself.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for
them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!
Pass this on to anyone you care about....
if you get it back you have found real friends!